"In today's high-tech, high-speed, high-stress world, communication is more important then ever, yet we seem to devote less and less time to really listening to one another. Genuine listening has become a rare gift—the gift of time. It helps build relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At work, effective listening means fewer errors and less wasted time. At home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant kids who can solve their own problems. Listening builds friendships and careers. It saves money and marriages."

Quote from 10 Steps to Effective Listening article on Forbes.

Five skills for improved listening

by Brenda Bailey-Hughes

Five skills for improved listening text

Let's begin to improve our listening by assessing what you're already pretty good at and where you could use the most improvement. When it comes to listening, there are five major areas of focus or listening intentions, recalling details, understanding the big picture, evaluating the content, attending to subtle cues, and empathizing with the speaker. As I give a brief overview of each of these areas, rank order them with number one being your best area of listening and number five being the weakest area in your listening. Ready? Number one, recalling the details. You know you are great at recalling details. If you remember names and dates, very specific information, if you rock at that Trivial Pursuit game, you could probably rank recalling the details as your number one listening skill. Number two, understanding the big picture. Like it sounds, this means you can grasp the overall meaning of something, even if you cannot recall specific details. Do you know what the key ideas are when you are listening? If so, this is one of your listening strengths. Three, evaluating the content. This one shifts us out of awareness and understanding of content to judging the content. When you listen to a salesperson talk, do you just buy into everything he or she is saying, or does your critical voice kick in and start questioning what you hear? Evaluating content is your strength if you listen with a discerning mind. Number four is attending to subtle cues. Listening is not just an auditory process. Much of the meaning of a message comes from the nonverbal cues a speaker gives us, facial expressions, body language, tone of voice. So are you good at noticing and interpreting those body language signals? If so, give yourself a number one on attending to subtle cues. Finally, number five, empathize. Certain situations call for us to deeply understand the emotional state of the speaker. Rank empathize as one of your strength areas if you are an emotional detective and find it easy to recognize when someone is upset, angry, confused, happy, and so on. If you've left encounters and were later surprised to find out that someone was feeling the way they were, then maybe this isn't your strongest listening skillset. Yet. But in the rest of this chapter, Tatiana and I will describe each of these listening skills in more detail. We'll talk about why the skillset matters to our overall listening abilities, and we'll give you some tips on improving your weakest areas.

"Number one, recalling the details."

"Number two, understanding the big picture."

"Three, evaluating the content."

"Number four is attending to subtle cues."

"Finally, number five, empathize."

Recall Details

by Brenda Bailey-Hughes

Recall Details text

Recalling the details is our ability to listen for and retain specific points made by a speaker. This type of listening is what you need to do when your boss gives you instructions on a complicated, multi-step task that you're expected to do. We need to listen for details when people are sharing dates that require us to act. Frequently, really talented people hurt their own professionalism and credibility, because they let little things slip through the cracks and then end up inadvertently letting people down. If recalling detail is one of those areas that you most want to improve, try the steps listed in your tip sheet. As someone starts speaking to you, assess if listening for the details is the right kind of listening for you at this point. Ask yourself, do I need to take action on this information either now or later, what information do I need to remember in order to take that action? Asking these important questions will help you decide what kind of listening focus you should have. If you don't need to act on the information, let's say your friend or colleague is just wanting to share something with you, then understanding the big picture or listening with empathy will be a more appropriate and effective listening focus. If, however, you frequently find yourself in situations where recalling detail is important, then try these practice strategies to rev up this skill. Listen to the weather forecast without watching and then see if you can recall daily temperatures for the week. Keep trying until you see improvement in your recall. Take notes next time someone give you instructions on how to do a specific task. Maybe your tech support person is explaining how to clear your cache or how to sort an Excel sheet in a certain way. Take notes and then test yourself by reading the notes back to the tech support person and see if you got it. Or just try following your own notes and see of you can accomplish the task. Recalling the details can save you time, effort, and possible embarrassment.

The Tip Sheet referred to in the video is linked below.

"Ask yourself, do I need to take action on this information either now or later, what information do I need to remember in order to take that action?"

Understand the big picture

by Brenda Bailey-Hughes

Understand the big picture text

Sometimes we are in situations where the details are actually a distraction. If we get bogged down in the details, we may find that we actually missed the more universal truth or the broader scope that was being communicated. I remember sitting in a meeting when a branding consultant presented his recommendations for how a company should brand itself with the customers. The questions at the end of his presentation demonstrated who had been listening for big picture. Those people were asking important questions about strategy for implementation, they asked about the research conducted to reach the recommendation, and they probed for a deeper understanding of the general direction. On the other hand, there were some people who asked the specific date that the brand would roll out, which hadn't been decided yet. And they asked about specific wording and specific visuals, which hadn't been decided yet. This went on for a while, and you could tell that they were frustrated listeners, but they were also frustrating to the presenter and others in the room who knew this wasn't the time yet for focusing on or worrying about the details. The details would be important, of course, but not yet. Now it was more important to focus on the overall vision, the mission, the big picture. Have you noticed people who can sit through a really long meeting and are then able to synthesize the core ideas into one or two concise sentences as a review? That's a person who can listen for, and understand, the big picture. Can you? Here are a few helpful tips. Ask yourself, how will this information have an impact five years from now, and how would I explain this to someone outside the organization or this relationship? When we can clearly and concisely explain an idea to someone who is not even familiar with the information, we've probably figured out the big picture. In addition to asking yourself these key questions, you can practice understanding the big picture by attending a lecture and describing afterward the key ideas presented. If you have more than three to four main ideas, you've probably been too focused on details. This is a listening skill well worth improving if it isn't one of your current strengths.

"Ask yourself, how will this information have an impact five years from now, and how would I explain this to someone outside the organization or this relationship?"

Evaluate content

by Tatiana Kolovou

Evaluate content text

Some of the listening we do on a daily basis is evaluative listening. This type of listening comes into play when we have to form an opinion after gathering information, or decide between two positions on what we have to assess strengths and weaknesses of a proposal. This type of listening happens often in the workplace. For Brenda and I, sometimes happens when we sit through student case competitions, and we have to decide who has the most credible, persuasive, and well researched idea. In the business world this type of critical listening is essential in the viability of the organization and sustainability for future growth. If audiences don't listen critically and weigh the information they have in front of them, decisions they make can be flawed. I remember being in a presentation where two different consulting firms were presenting company executives with two different directions for their international growth. Both were very well prepared, but one of the two firms had answers to all of the questions. They had anticipated what the listeners would want to know they offered additional pieces of evidence for their argument and they ended up presenting a lot more content for the executives. This additional quality gave this consulting firm a content advantage, which resulted in them winning the project. When you listen to evaluate content put yourself in top listening mode. If you're a visual learner feel free to sketch down, take notes. Force yourself to listen to the information presented and play devils advocate. No matter your listening style, ask yourself these questions. Is the speaker making a viable argument? Is the evidence she's presenting recent, credible, and relevant to the topic? Are both the pros and cons presented? Is any of the information misleading? What we call fallacies in the argumentation. If this was a product would I buy it? One big caution for critical or evaluative listening, is not to get distracted by the delivery of the speaker or any other external factors. A great evaluative listening training ground is news or sports commentaries. In both cases newscasters present the facts and then in the commentary section they present their analysis of the situation. Listen to each of the arguments, claims, evidence, and reasoning presented. At the end of the news show, decide if the opinion presented is also your opinion or if you would present any counterarguments or viewpoints that were not present. Listening to evaluate content takes discipline and focus on content only. Allow yourself time to compare, contrast, and decide on the quality of what's presented to you.

"Is the speaker making a viable argument?"

"Is the evidence she's presenting recent, credible, and relevant to the topic?"

"Are both the pros and cons presented?"

"Is any of the information misleading?"

Attune to subtle cues

by Tatiana Kolovou

Attune to subtle cues text

Can you hear body language on the phone? Can you figure out who came to the party with whom after you've spent sometime at the venue? These are the types of questions I would ask you to find out if you were attending to subtle cues. Being attuned to subtle cues is all about reading nonverbal signals that are vital in conveying meaning. In many cultures, direct verbal communication is not the norm. Even in the United States, not everything is communicated verbally. Many things are left unsaid and listeners must read between the lines. Being attuned to subtle cues allows you to read between the lines and gather additional meaning. Reading these subtle cues prepares you for stellar listening. You may be hearing someone communicate a message, but if the cues you receive don't match up, you need to adjust your response. For example, I ask Brenda for her opinion on a project and she tells me that she agrees, but the conversation looks a little bit like this. She says, "Yes," but she doesn't directly look at me and her posture communicates something totally different. Some nonverbal cues are very subtle and tough to decipher. Recently, I was the afternoon speaker for an organization having their annual off-site. I planned to spend the day with the group and I was invited to attend the morning sessions, all but the first one. See, the first session involved company-sensitive information that I was not privy to. The administrator I worked with asked me if I had enjoyed the coffee in the morning and gestured to the table outside of the room, asking that I have another cup while they got started. Can you imagine how awkward it would've been if I said, "Oh, I'd love another cup. "I can just drink it in the back of the conference room." Gladly, I was sharp enough to get the message and not invite myself in the conference room. The late anthropologist Edward Hall spent years observing people and documenting their nonverbals. In his inaugural academic book, "The Silent Language," he outlines the theory of explicit, or verbal, versus informal, nonverbal forms of communication. Hall was famous for spending hours at a time watching people while sitting on the park bench and taking copious notes. Being able to read subtle cues is an essential listening skill. If you're not that well versed in the skill, do what Professor Hall did, watch people. You may need a communication interpreter, someone who knows the context, the people, or the culture. Spend time debriefing with them as part of your skill-building in the subtle cue reading division. If reading subtle cues is not your strong suit, I encourage you to either watch people converse in another language or watch television shows. Soap operas are the best for this exercise. And try to figure out the story plot. Another day-to-day activity you can practice is walking into a meeting where you don't know the members and their positions and trying to figure out who is whose boss. As I mentioned earlier, subtle cues can sometimes be tricky, so don't be afraid to enlist a nonverbal interpreter.

"Being attuned to subtle cues is all about reading nonverbal signals that are vital in conveying meaning."

"Many things are left unsaid and listeners must read between the lines. Being attuned to subtle cues allows you to read between the lines and gather additional meaning."

Listen with empathy

by Tatiana Kolovou

Listen with empathy text

Listening with empathy takes time and energy, but it's well worth it, as it builds the relationship between you and the speaker. When you watch an empathetic listener, you see them mirroring the emotion and even body language of the speaker. They usually are laser-focused on their speaker, and they seem to not care about anything else that's happening in the room. Empathetic listeners pour themselves into the listening experience so that they can better understand the speaker's emotions and their feelings. Since we talked about content earlier, a listener in an empathetic situation listens and paraphrases both emotion and content. This is a type of listening that has the potential to build trust and respect among both parties. Empathetic listening is important when you deal with conflict situations, among members of your teams, with staff who report to you, or just listening to a colleague who is distraught about an issue. Expand past the immediate circle of professional colleagues to the realm of customers. If you listen with empathy, if you show understanding for a challenging situation, you can diffuse emotion, or even calm a frustrated customer. Empathy starts with the language that's going on in your head as the listener. While you listen, put yourself in that person's shoes and identify with her feelings. Tell yourself to completely immerse in the listening experience without judging or becoming distracted. Mind your nonverbals. Try to be a mirror to the speaker. And if you speak, use acknowledging responses, such as "I see, uh-huh." If you do verbally participate in the conversation, use sentence stems, such as, "Tell me more about that," or, "I can see why you feel so upset about this. "Is that the first time this happened?" Or, "I would be frustrated too. "What happened next?" As you listen, remember to honor the speaker's feelings, and don't use any phrases that would discount them, such as, "That's not that bad," "Don't get so upset over this," or, "It's all going to be fine." Empathetic listening can be emotionally draining if you're not well-versed in it. Practicing often will improve your skills, and my suggestion is that you do it in situations that are not too emotionally draining to you. For example, listen to a soccer parent complain about her son's coach, not yours, listen to a young adult talk about the drama created in her circle of friends, or a neighbor talk about her situation at work. Listening with empathy will set you apart in the workplace and your personal life. Identify when it's necessary and put your skills in action if you want to be an overall better communicator.

"When you watch an empathetic listener, you see them mirroring the emotion and even body language of the speaker. They usually are laser-focused on their speaker, and they seem to not care about anything else that's happening in the room."

When and how to listen

by Brenda Bailey-Hughes and Tatiana Kolovou

When and how to listen text

We hope you now have a better understanding of the five different types of listening. You even know which ones you're best at and which ones you need a little work with. Hopefully you've written down some practice strategies to improve those weakest listening areas in your life. - Before we move on though, we have to stress the importance of selecting the best type of listening for any situation. Let's say you hone your skills and now you are an awesome empathizer. You go to the doctor tomorrow and the doctor starts giving you detailed instructions on some actions you need to take in order to improve your health. This is not a good time for you to listen empathetically. Can you imagine how silly that might be? So doctor, I hear you expressing a concern for my health. Does my health make you feel nervous? No. This is a time for you to understand the big picture and to listen for details. You'll have really missed out if you choose the wrong kind of listening. So we're going to practice in a couple of situations. Watch this clip from the LinkedIn.com, having difficult conversations course. Note how the man in the blue shirt, who is the manager in this situation, should have been listening. Of the five types, identify the one or two most important for this situation. - Thanks for agreeing to me with me Joe. - Yeah, but I'm not sure why this couldn't wait until our regular meeting, but go ahead. - Well, I wanted to talk to you about the dynamic I've noticed in our interactions. It seems like you're getting more critical of my suggestions and I got to tell you, you're starting to make me feel like you don't value my contributions. - That's not true. We'll see if your ideas were used in our last product or have you forgotten that. Listen, Scott, it all comes down to the same thing. I want you to stop undermining me in front of others. That's the real problem here. - I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's not just me. I've noticed that you demean everyone's work and it's starting to affect their morale. - Look here, that's ridiculous and you know it. I'm always watching out for you guys looking after you. How do you think you got that raise? It's not my fault you have mediocre ideas. My job is to make sure only the best ideas move forward. - Yeah, but you don't have to insult people. Maybe if I had more time to prepare, I could come up with better ideas. (murmurs) everything and no one is going to want to work on your team anymore. - The real problem here is you need to adjust your attitude. The rest of our team is producing good work and everybody else seems happy here. I'm the boss. This is how I lead, take it or leave it. I got to get to another meeting. We're done here. - So what do you think? We think he should have been listening with a whole lot more empathy. He would have been better off asking himself. How is my employee feeling? If he had paraphrased what he was hearing, he might have prevented this entire blow up. - Let's try another one. In this clip from my presentation fundamentals course, Katie, a human resources employee gets a visit from a supervisor. Which of the five types of listening is most important for Katie in this situation? - Hi, Katie, how are you? No Please, please go ahead and sit down. How you doing? - I'm good, thank you. - Excellent. I'm sure you've already seen the strategic plan that we laid out earlier this month. - Yes, I have. - Great. Well, we're really looking forward to establishing some more context in Brazil and getting our foot into South America. HR did a great job helping us out with a rep training on the Mexico market. And I think it's about time to start the conversation about entering in this new region. You think you can put together a presentation for the execs to kind of tell them what they'll need to consider before they enter in this new market? - Wow, I'm honored that you would think of me. When would it be? - It would be at this Friday's meeting. I'm thinking 10 to 15 minutes long with a QA. - That doesn't give me much time, does it? - Well, I know, but you are up for that new directors role. And presenting in front of the execs is an excellent opportunity to show why you really deserve it. Are you up for it? - Yes. Can I follow up with you if I have any questions? - Absolutely. - Okay, great. I guess I'll get started on this right away. - Sounds good. - Thanks. - Did you choose recall details? You can hear Katie trying to get the details when she asked when the presentation was scheduled and how long it would be. But did you also think about how important it would be for Katie to understand the big picture in this listening situation. She needs to know more than just the details. She needs to grasp the overreaching context as well. She would have benefited from asking a few strategic questions. For example, why Brazil? What other countries are under consideration? How much do executives know about Brazil And investing in Brazil? What are their major concerns? This scenario calls for at least two types of listening, recalling the details and understanding the big picture. - Like Katie, we probably all have a default listening style that we go to. We encouraged you to become more intentional, more purposeful as you select the best listening approach for each unique situation.

"Let's say you hone your skills and now you are an awesome empathizer. You go to the doctor tomorrow and the doctor starts giving you detailed instructions on some actions you need to take in order to improve your health. This is not a good time for you to listen empathetically. Can you imagine how silly that might be? So doctor, I hear you expressing a concern for my health. Does my health make you feel nervous? No. This is a time for you to understand the big picture and to listen for details."